Translations
From Notes
Translations for sentences, or words, into nvc.
Contents |
key jackal words, to needs
Some key words in jackal speak directly of an underlying feeling or need.
- all that stuff is meaningless/irrelevant... ⇒ a need for relevance.
-ed words. Words ending "ed" suggest something we believe someone else is doing to us. They require 'another', external cause. The translation is to universal needs, owned needs.
- exploited... ⇒ a need for respect.
- used
- pressurised
- disrespected
- unvalued
- ignored
- rejected
sentences needing translation
This is a place to put sentences, or situations, that we would like to translate, or are unsure what feelings/needs could be behind them, in the hope that we can find translations or learn from the attempt. It probably helps the flow if you 'sign' your bit (using three tilda's "~" in a row works) - but only do that if you want to - e.g. Adrian. Actually this may work best on the discussion forum, though it's educational to have it captured here. Another route would be to capture these are part of the traffic light project? Adrian.
situations
Sample situations for translation, or work working out how you would respond in an nvc way.
receiving a phone call from your manager
- Your manager (Tom) rings you up at 9pm asking you to come into work at 6am in the morning because his manager (Harry) expressed displeasure when he saw Tom's team leaving work. (Real names have not been used!)
- When you ask me to come in early and explain that this is to appease Harry I feel exasporated because I value ?<a true motivation - consideration and reasonableness?>. I would also like some understanding that I have concerns in my life outside of work and some tolerance that these sometimes take a higher priority.
Any ideas? Should I empathise with Tom's situation first?
- Ideally, yes, but I imagine that would be hard to do unless you could bracket any strong responses you had. You could ask for "time out" when he phones at 9pm and then get or give yourself empathy first. In empathising with him you could try:
- Are you feeling anxious because you are needing support to demonstrate the team's committment and how that is perceived by Harry and you see us making an early start as showing that? Is that what's going on for you?
and later
- Would you be willing to consider another way of demonstrating our committment during normal working hours?
- Or you could always try Marshall Rosenberg's son's retort, which MR quotes.."Who was your slave before I was born?" !!
changing a computer program
- A colleague changes a computer program, that breaks work you are doing. They deny they made any changes, but you have to fix the problem. There is a record of the change being made, with their name against it.
- When I see from the change log in the program that you did make those changes, after you told me you did not, I feel angry and disappointed, as I really value honesty and support from the people I work with. Can you tell me how you feel when you hear me say that?
getting a mobile phone repaired
- This is a situation exercising someone at work: Your mobile phone needs repairing, you arange with the phone company to pick it up on a specific day in the future, someone arives to pick it up on a different day when you are not available. When you eventually do get it collected it's not returened when expected and is in a worse state than before. You make arangements for another day in the future and the same happens. On each occasion you expend considerable effort ensuring that there is no ambiguity or misunderstanding and you extract assurances that the phone will be collected when specified. It seems that what you are told by the phone company bears no relation to reallity, but you still want the phone repairing. In due course you get very angry but talking to the phone company only results in the same reasurances you have already received that everything will be OK in the future. P.S. The phone compnay uses a call center in India so there is a language barrier.
- The mobile phone owner, I imagine, is experiencing some or all of the following unmet needs, which have given rise to anger.
- reliability
- consistency
- honesty
- trustworthiness
- consideration
- understanding
- effectiveness and competence in the company.
- The mobile phone owner, I imagine, is experiencing some or all of the following unmet needs, which have given rise to anger.
As for a way to express that and attempt to get some of those needs met...it sounds as if this is not being dealt with very clearly on the phone, and that each time this occurs, someone else deals with this, so the first expression might be, a phone call after explaining some context saying:
Observation "When I remember that I have dealt with this on 3 (?) separate occasions and I still do not have a phone that works in the way in which it is intended to,
Feeling I feel exasperated and hopeless,
Need as I really need some consistency and reliability from you, as well as a solution to my phone being mended.
Requests Can you first of all tell what the most effective way to communicate with your company is so that I can have only one continuous point of contact? I would also like you to send me a replacement phone until my existing phone is fully mended - would you be willing to do that?
or
Observation "When I remember that on the 3 occasions that you said the phone would be collected at a specific time, and I made myself avaialable for that, but no-one arrived,
Feeling I feel very disappointed and frustrated,
Need as I really need to be able to trust your company to honour its agreements and to meet my needs for consideration and honesty.
Request Would you be willing to explain to me what happened on each of these three occasions and also give me some assurance that the company can put a process in place to deal with this effectively this time?
Sophie
contributing to a meeting
You believe a senior person in a meeting resents your contributions because you are in a junior position. What might you say?
Are you feeling indignant because you are needing <what?>
(adrian 21dec05 - I made this up, but I dont know what the need might be here).
How about as a starting point:
When I notice that you started speaking before I hadn't completed my sentence, just then.. I'm wondering are you feeling anxious because you would like to make sure that you have fully shared your own ideas on this topic before hearing mine?
